My friend posted this list of
19 things to stop doing in your twenties. Some of these really hit home to me and others I feel I do well at. However, I really need to work on a few.
1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To
an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of
social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept)
the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.
2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s
easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook
for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every
time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision,
not the demands of your job.
3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.
4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People
notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these
people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a
health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your
approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.
5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming
up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions
offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when
you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons
to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate
the risk you’re taking.
6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly
checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how
things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like
renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the
narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that
“should” be happening.
7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just
because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high
school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have,
are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing
something that threatens how they see their position in the world.
8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about
something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are
saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start
spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on
road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities.
Spend money on things you’ll keep.
9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use
them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands
and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They
function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other
distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain
when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given
moment.
10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re
fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your
secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re
blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.
11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start
approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for
deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in
the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also
primes people to be more open and generous with you.
12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people
with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the
people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when
almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to
constantly reassure you of their approval.
13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s
unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not
having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5
lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having
spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic
thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented
enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else
out.
14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering
is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to
suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often
hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to.
Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.
15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You
will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your
interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from
getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally
frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same
position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to
thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting
different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach
situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll
only make things more tense.
16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make
you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This
is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very
thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to
suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud
before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.
17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It
doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be
granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you
said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through,
though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.
18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest
in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that
aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on
the important.
19. Stop being afraid.
